I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
slowly the driver gets out of the car. . and you know how you
just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, then which one are you?'

. . . and that's when the fight started

I hope all are well and God has brought peace to your lives. TS

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water.. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!) Hey I'm thinking of ya!

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________.
Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass.
You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Please forward this to everyone you care about.

If I only knew how simple............................TS

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- IT WAS MEALTIME DURING A FLIGHT ON HOOTERS
AIRLINE. "WOULD YOU LIKE DINNER?" THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT ASKED JOHN,
SEATED IN FRONT. "WHAT ARE MY CHOICES?" JOHN ASKED. "YES OR NO," SHE
REPLIED.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A FLIGHT ATTENDANT WAS STATIONED AT THE
DEPARTURE GATE TO CHECK TICKETS. AS A MAN APPROACHED, SHE EXTENDED
HER HAND FOR THE TICKET AND HE OPENED HIS TRENCH COAT AND FLASHED
HER. WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT, SHE SAID, " SIR, I NEED TO SEE YOUR
TICKET, NOT YOUR STUB."

SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A LADY WAS PICKING THROUGH THE FROZEN TURKEYS
AT THE GROCERY STORE BUT SHE COULDN\'T FIND ONE BIG ENOUGH FOR HER
FAMILY. SHE ASKED A STOCK BOY, "DO THESE TURKEYS GET ANY BIGGER?" THE
STOCK BOY REPLIED, "NO MA\'AM, THEY\'RE DEAD."

SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- THE COP GOT OUT OF HIS CAR AND THE KID WHO
WAS STOPPED FOR SPEEDING ROLLED DOWN HIS WINDOW. "I\'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR YOU ALL DAY," THE COP SAID. THE KID REPLIED, "YEAH, WELL I GOT
HERE AS FAST AS I COULD." WHEN THE COP FINALLY STOPPED LAUGHING, HE
SENT THE KID ON HIS WAY WITHOUT A TICKET.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A TRUCK DRIVER WAS DRIVING ALONG ON THE
FREEWAY. A SIGN COMES UP THAT READS, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD." BEFORE HE
KNOWS IT, THE BRIDGE IS RIGHT AHEAD OF HIM AND HE GETS STUCK UNDER
THE BRIDGE. CARS ARE BACKED UP FOR MILES. FINALLY A POLICE CAR COMES
UP. THE COP GETS OUT OF HIS CAR AND WALKS TO THE TRUCK DRIVER, PUTS
HIS HANDS ON HIS HIPS AND SAYS, "GOT STUCK, HUH?" THE TRUCK DRIVER
SAYS, "NO, I WAS DELIVERING THIS BRIDGE AND RAN OUT OF GAS."

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 -- A COLLEGE TEACHER REMINDS HER
CLASS OF TOMORROW\'S FINAL EXAM. "NOW CLASS, I WON\'T TOLERATE ANY
EXCUSES FOR YOU NOT BEING HERE TOMORROW. I MIGHT CONSIDER A NUCLEAR
ATTACK OR A SERIOUS PERSONAL INJURY, ILLNESS, OR A DEATH IN YOUR
IMMEDIATE FAMILY, BUT THAT\'S IT, NO OTHER EXCUSES WHATSOEVER!" A
SMART-ASS GUY IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM RAISED HIS HAND AND ASKED,
"WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF TOMORROW I SAID I WAS SUFFERING FROM COMPLETE
AND UTTER SEXUAL EXHAUSTION?" THE ENTIRE CLASS IS REDUCED TO LAUGHTER
AND SNICKERING. WHEN SILENCE IS RESTORED, THE TEACHER SMILES KNOWINGLY
AT THE STUDENT, SHAKES HER HEAD AND SWEETLY SAYS, "WELL, I GUESS
YOU\'D HAVE TO WRITE THE EXAM WITH YOUR OTHER HAND."

TWO BONUS EXTRAS:

#1. A BLONDE GOES TO THE POST OFFICE TO BUY STAMPS FOR HER CHRISTMAS
CARDS. SHE SAYS TO THE CLERK, "MAY I HAVE 50 CHRISTMAS STAMPS?" THE
CLERK SAYS, "WHAT DENOMINATION?" THE BLONDE SAYS, "GOD HELP US. HAS
IT COME TO THIS? WELL, THEN, GIVE ME 6 CATHOLIC, 12 PRESBYTERIAN, 10
LUTHERAN AND 22 BAPTISTS."

#2. A WOMAN IS STANDING NUDE LOOKING IN THE BEDROOM MIRROR. SHE IS
NOT HAPPY WITH WHAT SHE SEES AND SAYS TO HER HUSBAND, "I FEEL
HORRIBLE; I LOOK OLD, FAT AND UGLY. I REALLY NEED YOU TO PAY ME A
COMPLIMENT." THE HUSBAND REPLIES, "YOUR EYESIGHT\'S DAMN NEAR
PERFECT."

HE NEVER HEARD THE SHOT..

-------------------------

> >> There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness
> >> and
> >> had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things 'in
> >> order,' she contacted her Pastor and had him come to her house to discuss
> >> certain aspects of her final wishes
> >>
> >> She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures
> >> she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.
> >>
> >> Everything was in order and the Pastor was preparing to leave when the
> >> young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her.
> >>
> >> 'There's one more thing,' she said excitedly.
> >> 'What's that?' came the Pastor's reply.
> >>
> >> 'This is very important,' the young woman continued. 'I want to be buried
> >> with a fork in my right hand.'
> >>
> >> The Pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to
> >> say.
> >>
> >> 'That surprises you, doesn't it?' the young woman asked.
> >>
> >> 'Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request,' said the Pastor.
> >>
> >> The young woman explained. My grandmother once told me this story, and
> >> from that time on I have always tried to pass along its message to those
> >> I
> >> love and those who are in need of encouragement. In all my years of
> >> attending socials and dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of
> >> the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over
> >> and
> >> say, 'Keep your fork.' It was my favorite part because I knew that
> >> something better was coming...like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish
> >> apple pie; something wonderful, and with substance!
> >>
> >> So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my
> >> hand and I want them to wonder 'What's with the fork?' Then I want you to
> >> tell them: 'Keep your fork, the best is yet to come.'
> >>
> >> The Pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young
> >> woman
> >> good-bye. He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her
> >> before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better
> >> grasp
> >> of heaven than he did. She had a better grasp of what heaven would be
> >> like
> >> than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and
> >> knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.
> >>
> >> At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they
> >> saw the cloak she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over
> >> and over, the Pastor heard the question, 'What's with the fork?' And over
> >> and over he smiled.
> >>
> >> During his message, the Pastor told the people of the conversation he had
> >> with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the
> >> fork and about what it symbolized to her. He told the people how he could
> >> not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would
> >> not be able to stop thinking about it either.
> >>
> >> He was right. So the next time you reach down for your fork let it remind
> >> you, ever so gently, that the best is yet to come. Friends are a very
> >> rare
> >> jewel. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an
> >> ear,
> >> they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to
> >> us.
> >> Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for
> >> them, even when you need them more. For you never know when it may be
> >> their time to 'Keep your fork.'
> >> Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share ... being friends
> >> with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND even if it means sending
> >> back to the person who sent it to you.
> >> And keep your fork ready.
> >>
>

As I'm a man and you never seem to help us maybe a letter here just might work. I'm a 55 year old white male who has contacted you and pretty much all the daytime talkshows for help in locating my daughter who I've not seen for over 19 years. The question I'm forced to ask is it because I'm white, male or probably both reasons? Why this would make a difference is my question. Did I do something that makes all white men evil? I at times wonder as I see very few if any white male matters covered at all. Since the fall of the Phil Donahue show few if any shows have shown any concern over the change in TV broadcast.
I guess this is seen by quite a few but ignored. If you want to be seen as an equal opportunity show you may wish to help me find my daughter. Her info is somewhere in your files. If you wish to contact me my phone and internet are still open and working. Best Regards Don Williamson