>
Number One Idiot of 2006:
>
>
>
> I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
> poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
> caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
> ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
> the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened
> to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
> kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
> emergency room right away.
>
>
>
> Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Two Idiot of 2006:
>
>
>
> Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
> life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
> the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
> they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
> that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
> activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing
>
>
>
>
> Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Three Idiot of 2006:
>
>
>
> A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and
> wrote this. "Put all your money in this bag." While standing in line,
> waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had
> seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
> teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
> the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his
> note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his
> spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
> that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
> of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells
> Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat
> defeated, the man said, OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later,
> as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
>
>
>
> Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Four Idiot of 2006:
>
>
>
> A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured
> his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
> mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
> the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received
> a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
> handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
>
>
>
> Wise guy........ but you still get a sign.
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Number Five Idiot of 2006:
>
>
>
> A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
> the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
> robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf
> He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused
> and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was,
> but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him
> At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
> gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was
> in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran
> from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and
> gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They
> arrested the robber two hours later.
>
>
>
> This guy definitely needs a sign.
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Idiot Number Six of 2006:
>
>
>
> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
> The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
> first bandit shot him.
>
>
>
> This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
>
> Idiot Number Seven of 2006:
>
>
>
> Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he
> d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
> and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
> window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems
> the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught
> on videotape.
>
>
>
> Yep, Here's your sign!
>
>
>
> (Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote - they walk
> among us .. and they REPRODUCE !!!)
>YES THESE ARE TRUE!
TTFN

Beth Meiller

If at anytime someone calls you an idiot now you have something to gauge it by. TS

Yes, as I said I would let you know about the case and here is the continuing story as reported in the Reno Gazette Journal.
Now I'm no legal expert but isn't this a problem for future cases against civil rights? Has this hurt the problem and added to the case against blacks? It is a small case yet if the behavior of these four youths caused a man to use poor judgement is not the behavior subject to scrutiny as well? TS

If you have not heard "Walgreens" one of the top drugstores in our country is being sued by four young black men who were refused service. One of the tenents that lives at my apt complex has posted flyers inviting us to see this court case.
Now this has me thinking about my recent confrontations with a black woman that lived below me. She would blast her stereo enough to not only be heard but also felt. This went on for two months and then she was asked to leave. Mid way her and I were in the lobby and she accused me of being a racist. In my mind the racist was her and the subject was never brought up again.
Now I'm a reasonable man and I only have one question. The case is made because FOUR young black men say that this ONE white employee used the word "NIGGER" when addressing them. Now according to records they were the only ones in the store at the time. This happened in 2003 and I will keep you all updated along with the reaction of the public. Just a closing thought; The one white employee must be an idiot or was hoping that by using that term they would physically attack him and thus continuing the animosity between races.

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been ministering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.
How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.... " "Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind.....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . "

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
"Run Forrest, run."

Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to
understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
and to pass it on to other folk

At times I wonder why anyone bothers to forward things. This is the best explanation I've seen.


This explains why I forward jokes.

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked tow ard the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk
to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me,
where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man
asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water
brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the
traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no
fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning
against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man.
"Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come
on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the
dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long
drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your
name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks
who would leave their best friends behind. "

Soooo...

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep
forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch,
guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say,
but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are
still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke,
don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are welcome @ my water bowl
anytime


Now if you are one of those who don't like seeing thier name amongst all the rest, I prefer to think that we already belong to the list and having my name with others reminds me of how I belong despite my race, living standards and other ways people want to separate me from society. By forwarding I can have impact if even on this small scale.

TS