SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- IT WAS MEALTIME DURING A FLIGHT ON HOOTERS
AIRLINE. "WOULD YOU LIKE DINNER?" THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT ASKED JOHN,
SEATED IN FRONT. "WHAT ARE MY CHOICES?" JOHN ASKED. "YES OR NO," SHE
REPLIED.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A FLIGHT ATTENDANT WAS STATIONED AT THE
DEPARTURE GATE TO CHECK TICKETS. AS A MAN APPROACHED, SHE EXTENDED
HER HAND FOR THE TICKET AND HE OPENED HIS TRENCH COAT AND FLASHED
HER. WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT, SHE SAID, " SIR, I NEED TO SEE YOUR
TICKET, NOT YOUR STUB."
SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A LADY WAS PICKING THROUGH THE FROZEN TURKEYS
AT THE GROCERY STORE BUT SHE COULDN\'T FIND ONE BIG ENOUGH FOR HER
FAMILY. SHE ASKED A STOCK BOY, "DO THESE TURKEYS GET ANY BIGGER?" THE
STOCK BOY REPLIED, "NO MA\'AM, THEY\'RE DEAD."
SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- THE COP GOT OUT OF HIS CAR AND THE KID WHO
WAS STOPPED FOR SPEEDING ROLLED DOWN HIS WINDOW. "I\'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR YOU ALL DAY," THE COP SAID. THE KID REPLIED, "YEAH, WELL I GOT
HERE AS FAST AS I COULD." WHEN THE COP FINALLY STOPPED LAUGHING, HE
SENT THE KID ON HIS WAY WITHOUT A TICKET.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A TRUCK DRIVER WAS DRIVING ALONG ON THE
FREEWAY. A SIGN COMES UP THAT READS, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD." BEFORE HE
KNOWS IT, THE BRIDGE IS RIGHT AHEAD OF HIM AND HE GETS STUCK UNDER
THE BRIDGE. CARS ARE BACKED UP FOR MILES. FINALLY A POLICE CAR COMES
UP. THE COP GETS OUT OF HIS CAR AND WALKS TO THE TRUCK DRIVER, PUTS
HIS HANDS ON HIS HIPS AND SAYS, "GOT STUCK, HUH?" THE TRUCK DRIVER
SAYS, "NO, I WAS DELIVERING THIS BRIDGE AND RAN OUT OF GAS."
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 -- A COLLEGE TEACHER REMINDS HER
CLASS OF TOMORROW\'S FINAL EXAM. "NOW CLASS, I WON\'T TOLERATE ANY
EXCUSES FOR YOU NOT BEING HERE TOMORROW. I MIGHT CONSIDER A NUCLEAR
ATTACK OR A SERIOUS PERSONAL INJURY, ILLNESS, OR A DEATH IN YOUR
IMMEDIATE FAMILY, BUT THAT\'S IT, NO OTHER EXCUSES WHATSOEVER!" A
SMART-ASS GUY IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM RAISED HIS HAND AND ASKED,
"WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IF TOMORROW I SAID I WAS SUFFERING FROM COMPLETE
AND UTTER SEXUAL EXHAUSTION?" THE ENTIRE CLASS IS REDUCED TO LAUGHTER
AND SNICKERING. WHEN SILENCE IS RESTORED, THE TEACHER SMILES KNOWINGLY
AT THE STUDENT, SHAKES HER HEAD AND SWEETLY SAYS, "WELL, I GUESS
YOU\'D HAVE TO WRITE THE EXAM WITH YOUR OTHER HAND."
TWO BONUS EXTRAS:
#1. A BLONDE GOES TO THE POST OFFICE TO BUY STAMPS FOR HER CHRISTMAS
CARDS. SHE SAYS TO THE CLERK, "MAY I HAVE 50 CHRISTMAS STAMPS?" THE
CLERK SAYS, "WHAT DENOMINATION?" THE BLONDE SAYS, "GOD HELP US. HAS
IT COME TO THIS? WELL, THEN, GIVE ME 6 CATHOLIC, 12 PRESBYTERIAN, 10
LUTHERAN AND 22 BAPTISTS."
#2. A WOMAN IS STANDING NUDE LOOKING IN THE BEDROOM MIRROR. SHE IS
NOT HAPPY WITH WHAT SHE SEES AND SAYS TO HER HUSBAND, "I FEEL
HORRIBLE; I LOOK OLD, FAT AND UGLY. I REALLY NEED YOU TO PAY ME A
COMPLIMENT." THE HUSBAND REPLIES, "YOUR EYESIGHT\'S DAMN NEAR
PERFECT."
HE NEVER HEARD THE SHOT..
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