I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Now you tell me after having mailed my Christmas Cards!

THANKS MOM

I found all with no problem.

> This is not a joke... If you can pass, you can safely turn on your
> ignition
>
> key again and cancel your annual eye examination...
>
> Can you find the "C" ??? (Good exercise for the eyes!)
>
>
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOC
>
>
> Once you've found the C..........
>
>
>
>
> Find the 6!
>
>
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999699999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
> 9999999999999999999999999999999999
>
>
> Once you've found the 6....
>
>Find the lower case L, this is hard one
>
>11111111111111111111111111111
>11111111111111111111111111111
>11111111111111111111111111111
>11111111111111111111111111111
>111111111111111l1111111111111
>11111111111111111111111111111
>11111111111111111111111111111
>
>

> Find the N! (it's hard!!)
>
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMNMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
> MMMMMMMMMMMMM
>
> Once you've found the N...
> make a wish!
>
>
>
> OK, now that you've made a wish, it will come true.....all you have to
> do
> is send this on saying, "Can you find the C?"

A test from dear ole MOM All together..........."THANKS MOM"

Yes it has happened again. I recieved this in the mail yesterday
Now If I want I can ask them to wire me my money but who's going to pay to have their own money sent to them. I still have not recieved my account records for the time they stopped my account the last time. No big deal unless you are on housing assistance and they require it to renew your claim. Let me say that if I had not been such a DUFFUS with my prior accounts I would not be in this predicament....I hope! Banking is big bucks and there control over this is only surpassed by the POSTAL SERVICE that has on many times lost my check. It has reappeared a few days later with not even an apology. I have contacted my congressman Jim Gibbons and he had no idea of how to deal with this. He did reply with a letter saying he was going to look into my problem. YEA SURE. Be thankfull tho because I could live in a country that has no disability subsidies! Yes I am thankfull as I await the release of my funds so that I can shop for gifts. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night I hope you can read this. Same letter just a tad larger. If you still have trouble go to my gallery.

Subject: Fw: A test.....

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?
For the answer please contact me at dw5406@sbcglobal.net

Gold Wrapping Paper"

I received this from a friend who had a choice to make. It said that I had a choice to make too.

I've chosen. Now it's your turn to choose.

The story goes that some time ago a mother punished her five year old daughter for wasting a roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and she became even more upset when the child used the gold paper to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.

Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift box to her mother the next morning and then said, "This is for you, Momma."

The mother was embarrassed by her earlier over reaction, but her anger flared again when she opened the box and found it was empty. She spoke to her daughter in a harsh manner.

"Don't you know, young lady, when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package?"

She had tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Momma, it's not empty! I blew kisses into it until it was full."

The mother was crushed. She fell on her knees and put her arms around her little girl, and she begged her forgiveness for her thoughtless anger.

An accident took the life of the child only a short time later, and it is told that the mother kept that gold
box by her bed for all the years of her life.

Whenever she was discouraged or
faced difficult problems she would open the box and take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

In a very real sense, each of us, as human beings, have been given a Golden box filled with unconditional love
and kisses from our children, family, friends and GOD. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

You now have two choices:
1. Pass this on to your friends, or
2. Delete it and act like it! didn't touch your heart.

As you can see, I took choice No. 1.
Friends are like angels who lift us to our feet, when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

If you receive this more than once in return just know that your friends have also thought of you!


TTFN

Beth Meiller

There is a third choice and it is to post it for all to see.

TS