In 1984 my daughter was born and shortly after then I dropped out of school. Nothing new plenty of students drop out and begin to work thus begining a trend. My trend was similar except for the fact that I was 29. I took full time work in a related field and began to work through the muck and mire of life. My daughter was diagnosed with S.I.D.S. and as I went to work everynight the thought is she going to live would eat at my soul. I mentioned this once to my wife and she called me selfish, that began another argument. Yes my wife was a wonder as in I wonder why I married her? She was pregnant and it was my responsibility. I figured that once we got settled she would be more than just a mother. Yes that is an important responsibility only not the only one facing a wife. I have heard the term multi task so was it only my responsibility to make our family work. After my failure I was unemployed, without my family or any support period. I finally got work in Lauglin Nv. and for over 10 years I worked in a game called KENO. Now with my physical problems this was the last thing I should have done. After working my way through most of the Casinos I left for Ca.
It took some doing and I decided to go North and cut across in Reno. Now in Reno cut through to Lake Tahoe and then to Sacramento. Then on to the S.F. Bay area. I spent some time and then headed back for "VEGAS"
Yes back in the recess of my mind was my student loan and by the time I got back on my feet it was one stroke later and I no longer am employable. Student loan? I was a student, sounds kinda familiar only wasn't that last weeks ER? I moved from Las Vegas to San Francisco and for three years settled into a room in the Tenderloin dist. I did some delivery work that paid for minor conviances as cable a phone.
I finally decided to take a friend up on his offer to have a home for his girlfriend was pregnant and they could use some help. Yes I felt well enough and it felt time.
I forgot what year only after moving here and helping them through the birth of their child, his drinking and the child just was to much. I could not find work and I needed an inviornment that would help me to grow. There was a very famous homeless mission here in Reno and one morning packed my bags and left for it. Because I had a income they would allow one 5 free nights only after that it was five dollars for the first five nights then 10 a night from there on. This was March of 1996 and by the summer of 98 I was gone. One night I asked to be free of all their B.S. and able to move somewhere I can just be happy. No my decision was to go and find my daughter. I left for Sacramento and hoped to figure out what I needed to do this.
More tommorrow and I will fill the being pissed again part. TS

Hey I's me again and I just spent time adding to this and Im guess God said you can do better cause it just dissapeared. Makes me think about time and how it gets taken without a thought.
As I settled in to the routine of Sacramento's homeless I held firm that all I needed was God and time to find my daughter. I would spend money I did not have and it delayed my journey another month. I began thinking Amtrack but Greyhound was the fastest. It took me through Laughlin where I worked and the temtation was great but I stay true to my task and the next day I was in the birthplace of my daughter. Now you are thinking whats next? YES I did not get my bag at the bus, no longer do they unload at the station. You must get it at the bus or it is taken to the next stop. I was told to wait and the return bus would have it by 2pm. I think it was 11am so I asked a cab driver to take where I can be entertained, yes I call it educated. It was one of those places women give table dances. NOW IM JUST A DUM HICK AN ALL THESE PERTY GIRLS. $80 later and my head had enough blood return to my head. Now $80 is not a large sum but wait I started with $400.00. Well I'm tired and got my luggage and went to the cheap side of town. Rooms $25 a night, the next 29.99 so went back to the other one and paid for 5 nights. I hoped to have information at least.
My first day was spent getting proof of being her birth parent. A copy of marriage and birth should prove something. Then I went to Social Security and after being told to write a letter and they would forward it to her. This sounds promising so off I went, I bought paper, pen, envelope and stamps. The next day I returned and was told they could not do this, there is no record of were she lives. (how about putting in a file and when she reports in 50 yrs you can give it to her!) The lady did give me her SSN and I was consoled enough to just leave. Why is there not more requiered to register a live birth?
Yes I can prove I am her parent only I let to much time pass and my concern over her being pulled in two directions proved to be my downfall. Being pretty much broke I made it a point to survive.
Phoenix has many organizations and churchs that help those in need. Many of them are of Mexican descent and are good people. Just a little tidbit I learned and wanted to share.
What I found hard to understand was others apathy to my situation. I went to the library and scoured the High school year books. I even asked if she had been arrested. Well no but I had for domestic dispute. I would never get her location. This is a realization that just occured. Yes my wife is not dumb she worked on my anger for 4 yrs untill I just gave in. I wonder if she will ever thank me for providing her a child.
Now I said to her if she ever took our daughter away to not come looking for support.
That was years ago when the news was filled with reports of husbands and fathers being abusive. All I asked was to have a letter forwarded and I was refuse. Now why would a dumb, white, disabled man want to know of his child? WHY NOT TS